5 Things God Showed Me Through My Sworn Enemy

Being girls, I’m sure we all shared a similar high school experience. There was always that one guy…and then there was always that one girl that hated us because of that one guy. For me, the girl's name was Krissy. She and I started out friends cheering together for our high school. Things quickly escalated toward the other end of the spectrum when her boyfriend (of years!) happened to become that one guy I had developed the hots for. He had been my friend forever and somehow, over the course of time, my feelings of friendship literally plunged into teenage love. This led to quite a bit of flirting between us and eventually to conversations and situations that should have never taken place. By all means, I probably could have been referred to as the “other woman”. Her boyfriend wouldn’t break up with her, so I settled for any attention he would give me.

If you knew Krissy and me then, you know the story well (and probably have stories that show the uglier sides of us both). We hated each other, talked trash about each other to our friends, and blasted one another on our social media. I remember one time she posted the lyrics to the song, “He Loves Me, He Loves You Not”. While she never put my name on there, everyone knew who she was referencing. If you happened to catch us in the same place at the same time, you could have cut the tension with a knife…which, for that very reason, often led to us avoiding places we knew the other would be. It was so bad that I can remember one day at school (a place where we had no choice but to be together) we had on the same shirt and I begged the teacher to let me go home so I could change.

While many would assume this was a typical teenage clash that would soon blow over, that simply wasn’t the case. The feud seemed as if it would go on indefinitely, continuing to last through college. The feelings were so strong, that even years later I would simply refer to Krissy as “her” and not even her name. About 2 years ago (almost 10 years after it all began), I found out she had moved back to our hometown. I was told that she had 2 small daughters and had fled an abusive relationship. After hearing some of the specific details about what she had endured, my heart completely shattered. It was in that moment that God began to deal with me concerning my relationship with her and my relationship with Him because of it. Here are the 5 things God showed me through my sworn enemy.

 

      1. She’s a real person, just like me. 

      For years I only saw Krissy as the girl who had the guy I wanted. She was more of an object, something standing in my way. But you know what…God showed me that she was actually a real person, just like me. She had feelings. She had a heart. She was probably mean to me because of my actions toward her first. And I deserved it all. The things I did and said hurt her feelings probably more than the things she did and said to me hurt mine. But I had never taken that into consideration. As I am older now and a new person in Christ, I look back on the situation with embarrassment. I can finally place myself in her shoes and realize she probably had every right to be the way she was. She had every right to hate me! I had only been thinking about my own feelings and my own heart and not hers. I was beyond selfish and spiteful. I can’t imagine the hurt that I caused her because I wanted my own happiness no matter the pain it caused anyone else.

Just like any other situation when we are at odds with another, we want to be the one that’s right…the better person. But God calls us to treat others the way we want to be treated (Matthew 7:12). He calls us to love no matter the situation…even when someone wrongs us. If you are holding a grudge or have ill feelings toward someone else, place yourself in their shoes. What might they be feeling? Why might they be hurting too? You might just surprise yourself at what you realize. 

      2. Humility.  

      This was probably one of, if not THE, biggest thing God taught me during all of this. For years, I had let my pride tell me that only my feelings mattered, and it caused me all kinds of problems, not only in my relationship with Krissy, but in my relationship with my husband and ultimately in my relationship with God. However, it was time to get my life back on track with Him. If anything, though, I only had to make things right with God and wouldn’t need to actually work it out with her, right?? I mean, she was no longer living in Hazard and wasn't in my life, so why would I have to seek her out?? But I was so hindered from the past that I could not move forward in my present and future with God no matter how many times I asked Him for His forgiveness. My mind constantly went to thoughts of the entire situation and I felt almost disconnected from Him. My pride took a hit when I realized I needed to fully die to my old self (teenage years and all) and that required admitting my wrongs to her...talk about needing some humility! I would have to admit that I was wrong, however embarrassing it may have been. I had in no way acted the way God calls us to act. He calls us to put others above ourselves…to think of ourselves last (Philippians 2:3). So I tucked my tail between my legs and did what I needed to do.  To me, #2 must always come before #3. Only when we humble ourselves can we truly repent of our sins to both God and the person we sin against. God opposes the proud, but He gives grace to the humble (James 4:6). Thank God for grace!!

      3. Forgiveness.   

      In the beginning my twisted thinking led me to believe that I needed to forgive Krissy for what she had done to me. After doing so, I still continued to think about her all of the time. I kept asking God, “why am I thinking about her?? She isn’t a part of my life anymore. I’ve forgiven her for all of it!” But that’s when He showed me #1…she was a real person and the things I had done affected her even more than I realized at the time, and then He showed me #2...I was going to have to humble myself. I may have asked God to forgive me for what I had done, but I hadn’t asked Krissy for HER forgiveness. The things I did to her were wrong on so many levels. I kid you not, 10 years later, I still felt guilty about it all! (Conviction has no time limits!) I was convicted so much that I brought it up in conversation with her and apologized. While I thought she would think I was crazy for bringing it up so many years later, I realized that she had never gained any true closure from it all either. We talked through it and finally made complete amends. While she didn’t have to forgive me, she did. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

If you are harboring unforgiveness toward someone, remember that it only makes you the prisoner. I found this quote that sums up exactly what it is. “Unforgiveness becomes bitterness, which leads to persistent anger, which locks me in a private cage affecting all my relationships.” Holding on to it will only allow Satan to have a foothold in your life and lead to other destructive things, like bitterness and anger. Also remember, God will not forgive our sins if we do not forgive the sins of others (Matthew 6:15). You may think that your not forgiving someone isn't affecting you, but I'm sad to say that you are poorly mistaken! Notice how the anger and bitterness from that situation starts showing up in other areas of your life.

It is also vital that we ask for forgiveness when we wrong someone else. As James 5:16 says, “Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.” (MSG) The only way for me (and her) to completely heal from the situation was to ask for forgiveness. While I might have confessed my sin to God, it was only when I also confessed to her and asked forgiveness that I was made completely whole again…able to finally move forward in my walk with God. Satan no longer had a foothold in my life by any means and God could use me the way He needed.

      4. Sin will continue to haunt you if not dealt with properly.  

      After apologizing for my actions, I still had her on my mind and heart A LOT. I kept telling God that all of the unforgiveness was gone, what could be left to deal with from this situation?? And what He showed me blew my mind. It was jealousy. Jealousy?? I couldn’t for the life of me figure out where jealousy would be an issue 10 years after all of this. Of course, I was jealous of her back then because she had the love of my life. I was jealous that nothing I could do or say would make him break up with her to be with me. But it was another definition of jealousy that, unbeknownst to me, was hindering me. Dictionary.com explains it as “mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.” Because of what had happened back then, I had developed insecurity in my own relationship (eventually even in my marriage, too). I feared that because of what I had done to her back then, it was going to happen to me one day. I would be the one who was blinded by love and would have been easy to lie to. I would be the one who was naïve to what my husband was doing behind my back. I really had to seek God to get rid of that emotion so that it wouldn’t hinder or hurt my marriage. After much prayer and reading the Bible, it was God and only God that could rid me of the jealousy and give me the security I needed to be the wife I was supposed to be. Not dealing with the sin that came out of that situation still affected me 10 years later without me realizing it. I encourage you, too, to seek God on any sin that may still be in your life. It may come as a surprise to you as to what it is, but until you do so you will not be able to grow in God and the calling He has placed on your life. Any sin, no matter how big or small, can keep you in bondage. It is up to us to discover it and ask God to break us free from it.   

      5. You can overcome through God.  

      When Krissy moved back to Hazard and God kept placing her on my heart, I reached out to her on Facebook. After making amends, we began to talk more and more. Eventually a friendship formed that, in my opinion, probably would have been the same friendship we would have had, had our love triangle never occurred. It is only by God’s grace and mercy (and LOTS of prayer and seeking God) that we were able to put the past behind us and move forward. Satan would have loved nothing more than for us to have continued to hold grudges against one another. Instead, God worked on us and through us to get us to where we are today. We both are truly different people than we were back then. I invited her to church often and she finally took me up on that offer a few weeks ago (and she loved it, just like I told her she would!). Last Sunday, Krissy, myself, and the guy we fought over in high school, sat side by side in church with absolutely no awkwardness or bad feelings…if that isn’t God, I don’t know what is!!! What’s just as crazy is the fact that she and I met for lunch to discuss this blog and we could sit and laugh about the things that happened back then! I truly thank God for the friend I have found in her and I am more than excited to see what He has in store for us! If you are holding a grudge or have hard feelings toward someone, I urge you to pray and seek God. This world will never help you overcome feelings of anger or hate…it will only encourage them (let's face it...people love drama more than anything). But as Romans 8:37 states, “…in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” It is only through God that we can truly overcome the past (no matter what it is) and move on to the future He has for us.